Psychotherapy Body-Psychotherapy Hypnotherapy Sex & Relationships Therapy
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Do you feel unhappy in your current relationship?
Do you argue frequently with your partner?
Do you avoid being intimate with your partner?
Do you shun away from discussing difficult issues?
Has your relationship past its sell-by date?
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Living a lie or separation are not the only option
The warning signs of relationship problems often manifest in disguise that hide the truth and real underlying causes. We prefer to hide behind work, social activities, food, drink or even illnesses, than to confront the emotional pain of a failing relationship.
Many people fear ending up alone and unloved so, they perpetuate the avoidance strategies and hold on to the cover up. They bury their unhappiness, hide their truth and often live a lie. They become experts at covering up their innermost feelings and put on a mask in the hope it will work out.
Burying your feelings is like boxing up unused household goods and placing them in the loft – they don’t go away. The boxes will remain in the loft until you’re ready to clear them out. Emotional issues are no different. Whatever you store and don’t deal with, will stay with you and eventually impact on your mental, physical and emotional wellbeing - as well as your relationship and your children (if you have any).
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Taking stock
You may be very clear as to how you got to where you are now in your relationship. You may have an idea as to what has happened along the way. Your partner may have told you that you’re the one with the problem that is causing the conflicts, or you might think that your partner is the one with the issues.
We tend to relinquish responsibility for our part in relationships and blame our partners for our unhappiness. Taking stock of your current situation and identifying the underlying causes of your conflicts is the first step. Relationship breakdown happens when you stop nurturing what you once valued in each other.
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The road ahead
Whether you’re experiencing fear of intimacy, sexual gridlock, power battles or having to deal with an affair (yours or your partner’s), it’s possible to find a way forward. Growth comes when you’re willing to accept one another’s differences and work at developing a way of relating with each other.
The key to a successful relationship is not finding the ideal partner but loving to be with the person you found. Being able to look at the person you are with, seeing and accepting them for who they are, without judgements, criticism or projections, and noticing who you can be when you are with them. Working through your conflicts, identifying the underlying causes and with help and support you will be able to find a renewed way foward.
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Carla Alves da Silva uses a combined therapeutic approach when working with couples who are experiencing relationship difficulties. She uses a unique assessment tool that explores the way individuals currently relate with themselves and others in a marriage or partnership, helping them find a way forward to relate more effectively.
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